Lies Between Us, podcast episode #25: CHAPTER ONE audio from the ADDICT book
Here I read chapter two, a very challenging exercise indeed.
Chapter one can be found within podcast episode #23.
Chapter two excerpt:
(a poem)
Mirror-Mirror Why Do You Hate Me So?
Yes I see, yes Mirror I see the glass is clear yes I see…
Yet Mirror, why always same-same the seeing?
Storm clouds shower thy under-roof’s nest
Sans shelter, sans safety, sans calm
A rare outing, apart thy guardian’s wing
Some sunshine sprinkles atop thou’s madness
Near here, only near here my dear, fear the mere moment
No-no, oh no, no-no-no, I hear thine momma bird’s song a calling…
Mirror please, I hunger hearing no more
Mirror please, now cut off these ears
Mirror please, I seek seeing no more
Mirror please, forever fog thy darkness
Please Mirror please now forever blind these eyes.
Some Nests No Home
Once collected from Detroit, still occupying our first Baltimore area Hillsdale Road haunted home, after a while the bat-shit-crazy mother bird then nothing but gone from our family forever-n-ever institutionalized…bye-bye mommy, father bird removed his wedding ring for finality and we fled that damn monster house. Veritably, BigBird did what he believed right, both protecting us from our mother’s insanity, while himself adjusting course to attend night school for another five years. The resulting edginess flooding my father seemed unbearable, even to me as a young ignorant seventh-year child. He was by far away more than home, and even when around, BigBird yelled into my perceived ears more than he spoke.
The wobbliness followed wherever I went, me invariantly unsteady within my own shoes.
Though a shaky roof teetered overhead, I felt relegated apart from any shelter, and far-far from whatsoever warmth or support. Maybe I was just being weak, a wimp, a little fucking biddy crybaby bird, IDK. With the familiar sheets of bitchboy downgrading rain pelting me, finding nowhere secured nor space zoned calm, I fled, I ran.
I ran fear filled and resentful
I ran then fell then ran til lost, castaway adrift and underbelly exposed
I saw, I saw only slightly…I saw only darkened skies
Darkened skies, darkened skies as the bare warm noontime sun shone
Not running to get un-lost
Not fueled by hope
Not desperate to find
Nor frantic to be found
Again fleeing the frights
Again eluding the yelling
Again pissed off mad I was, atmospherically disregarded
Again, again this catastrophic unsteadiness
I relied on nothing, I turned to no one but mine some the paltry resource crumbs
I sought shelter, I coveted comfort, yet still running, yet still lost
I then froze, I then froze and I hardened, I hardened cold like stone
I hardened cold like stone, immediately then the chipping away began
My self-belief fractured, factually crumbled, my-self succumbed to nothingness
Unbothered the nothingness, unbothered the skip-over, worthless even the bother
Worthless the breath, worthless the existence, this slur worthless the worry
Worthless…worthless to a lesser degree than even muddied parking lot gravel.
(a poem)
Credits
The best I can be
Seems worse than this now
My hope has been shattered
I wither and bow
Happy ending, already over
No longer do I wonder or worry
My job done, my piece spoken
Nothing good left here~ end of story.
