Easy to Say, Hard to Do
In front of the Grand Tetons in Jackson Wyoming, photo by Thomas Baker
Fear. Afraid of what is to come or might not come, fear is the negative image of our judgments and assumptions. Not giving enough freedom for the upcoming positive parts to bleed through, but rather imagining what will go wrong. Too much time spent worrying about all the shit out of our control and perhaps squashing the possibilities of growth and learning before we actually face them. Fear of what might embarrass us, or challenge us beyond previous limits. Much the while, we do not die, we don’t get carried out crippled. We may bleed a little, we may hurt a while. But without embarrassment, without challenge, and without the presumption of risk, we do not learn, and we do not grow in proximity to our potential. Accepting and knowing what we fear will most likely help us, as long as we attempt, as long as we try. Easy to say, hard to do.
Change. Excitement may blossom for the new thing, but as the now-time grows near, fear creeps in and we doubt ourselves. Change might just plop down in our lap demanding us to play with it, or we push it off and run away like hell. I spy change like a new job: for about a year and a half, we feel like we are about to get fired at any minute because we don’t know what the hell we are doing. But if we can just settle and trust our boss to tell us if we are doing it wrong, we learn to see we are ok as long as we don’t freak out and let our negative fears creep in and take over. Everyday change is much the same, for the most part, we need to just hang on and ride the wave, doing our best by our own measure until someone tells us to stop. Easy to say, hard to do.
Work. “You are going to burn yourself out if you keep working like that”, I heard many times. “That’s not my job”, I heard many more times. Ever since I can remember, I operated with five hours of sleep, leaving me 19 hours per day free to spend as I choose. Possessing many thoughts on the concept of burnout, I will bite my lip and save it for another day except for the following. Without measurements and documented clarity of what I am doing or not doing, I sometimes squander effort and time itself. Without proactive truthful communication reigning dominant over all other actions, shit falls apart and I spend excessive parts of myself chasing a straying non-critical path. Integrating the well-learned lessons of work-life balance, I try to always have home matter more than work. When I made work matter more than home, the imbalance destroyed my home life. When I made home matter more, it enhanced my work life. Easy to say, hard to do.
Unknown. The standard eastern philosophy simply states, there is no reason to worry. It continues, we worry about two types of things, we worry about both the things we can control and those we cannot control. If under my control or within my influence, I work like hell to get or give a better result and arrive better prepared. If outside my control or influence, I try to distract and not drive myself bananas with anxiety leading up to the event or unveiling. Easy to say, hard to do.
Peace. Only through intention and action do I find peace calm and beauty. But of course, sometimes the clouds roll in and scoop me up, forcing me to pause and think deep once more. When I stop and shed the emotion, avoid the assumptions, bury the judgments, and leave the subjectivity aside, I can deal with life truthfully. I find peace once the clouds of worry and fear are cleared and I stand face-to-face with my truthful reality. Easy to say, hard to do.
Courage. The willingness to face the dragon, despite the fact my smallish person will be challenged and perhaps defeated today. But more than anything, and to properly prepare, I assume the position of possibilities. Possibly, I will achieve exactly what I dream, maybe not, at least it is possible. I will try my best try. Perhaps, I will stand atop the box in victory today, maybe not, but the possibility exists. And I will try my very best try. Mostly I miss my intended result when I doubt the possibility of myself. I must first be willing to accept all hardships along my unknown twisty path to accomplish my vision. Not to rest unrealistically confident I WILL reach my expected destination but rather I can, and probably will, reach my goal as long as I do not, do not, do not quit. Easy to say, hard to do.
Everything I did or did not do in my life landed me here. I did this; at least I let it happen, and only I can change it. No one will do it for me or save me; it’s all up to me. I own 100% of the responsibility for me, what I did, who I am, and what I will become. Easy to say, hard to do.
