Lifeforce
With my brothers Torrence and John Bruning (@Speedesign), reuniting at the Mount Washington Tavern, Baltimore, a few years back. Love you guys.
Every other step a stumble, at times
Being mindful of it all, I am thankful for the learnings
Because where else might the lessons emerge, if not from within the missteps?
Not long ago, a friend asked if I believed in the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
Only a second or possibly three ticked by before I chuckled out loud, clutching my response
I care, maybe elaborately
I push, maybe excessively
I work, maybe overkill
And yet, here I lay, breathing still
These endurances, defined as such, my own
These assimilations, defined as such, my cognizances
My efforts thus far, much without restriction
Willing, accepting to hurt more, this my earliest and most enduring youthful companion
It began as fleeing, attempting to escape the pain, the terrorizing fear, the wretchedness at home, and running from the here, evading the now
Next, the anguish, the torture of sport, an endless challenge to comprehend extremeness itself
Then the release of self, giving, uncovering, seeing that to free me of the pain I carried, I must first sit, to experience deep, deeper, deepest
Lastly, releasing my attached feelings, I assumed others pain, accepting this as my new direction: to help, to give, to show up for everyone else first, putting myself last
Yes sure, the adversity usually wakes us, allowing new routines to take shape, understanding more, added knowings as we journey, wisdom defined
Sometimes we follow not what we understand, even seek blindly
Maybe once confused, some of us now reside mostly in reality
Maybe not planning much, we just jump, the doing, damage be damned
Our bodies, our brains, our souls may be perpetually punished, but we rise to stand another day, to experience the puzzle of life until our last day comes for us
That which does not kill us may just leave us more broken, as we allow
Sometimes the emptiness consumes us with finality, as we allow
And then maybe we just become the lifeforce others need, as they allow
And with the giving of all we have, maybe we receive all we need, within the right here, and right now, the letting go and the open sharing of our hearts in the moment, because what else is there anyway?
