Just ask.

I would rather be honestly afraid and out-of-sorts, than lie about it. Sometimes I need an ear or a voice smarter than my own. And when I do, I try to just ask. Not everyone can lend one and not everyone feels they have time to.

We all struggle, though many of us dare to admit it. We fear it will expose us as weak or incompetent. Hiding from our at-home family, friends, and at-work family, we hope the wall of lies and fake “I’m fine’s” will shield us from further harm. We must first maintain our image, we must first maintain our status, or so we think. What new tools will magically present themselves to us tomorrow and how will we possibly do better than we did today? How do we learn to greet each new day with unbounded optimism and opportunity?

Someone said to me recently, “In 100 years, no one will even remember I existed, so what’s the point? What is our life for since it really doesn’t matter anyway?”. It is a deep answer which lies in a deep place, a place that many of us have not managed to visit, yet.

I remember distinctly deciding to have children. I wanted the family unit. I wanted to feel the bond unavailable anywhere else. Someone to love, care for and someone who really needed me, at least for the first seven or eight years of their life. Someone who would certainly leave the nest one day, but would never leave my heart, no matter what.

By the time I was 30, I knew I would live a life trying to make a difference in the world. And I knew I WOULD make a difference, although my reach would be relatively smallish. Maybe as I helped friends and strangers with those things that they could not do for themselves, they would then pay it forward. My skills and resources were limited but if my children could one day gain at least a piece of my intentional DNA, then the opportunity we had to make positive impact multiplied.

Life. We may feel trapped, but it is POSSIBLE for our life to be almost anything we want it to be.

Life. Despite the negative mediums we subscribe to all day long, life CAN be beautiful and giving.

Life. It CAN be an amazing journey of learning, loving, and resting easy. But it takes work.

I decided to start a family so I might live a life filled with love, void of restrictions and without conditions. Someone to be connected to, someone who could not leave my heart, even if they tried. To live the journey together, to cry together, bleed together and the destination be damned.

I wanted something bigger and stronger than myself. A better version of me and their mom, someone who gets all the benefits of our experience and gets to layer on top of that, their own realizations.

I was not old enough to consciously benefit from my mother’s wisdom before she left our family forever when me and my three sisters were young. I recognize the fact that much of who I am at my core was formed subconsciously before I was five, so I certainly give credit there.

Before I leapt into my own teenage wasteland, I was not present enough to benefit from much of my father’s wisdom and skills. I missed much of the parental experience from the receiving end so I thought I would try to do my best on the giving end.

Resting in the confidence that my best today was good enough, I sleep soundly. Accepting the misses of actual results this afternoon versus my lofty expectations this morning, I treasure the checklist marks that I DID make.  

It does not get easier, but it CAN get better. No one is going to fix it for us. We need to show up for our own lives, do our own hard work, and in some cases, fight like hell for it. Our tenacity to fight for what we want rests nowhere outside of ourselves. The opportunity to live as we wish has more to do with our own positioning than those things that are done to us. Not everyone can pivot their lives on a dime and I fully recognize this. We must find our own strength, form our own reasoning, and not be afraid to ask for help.

I have beaten my body and brain relentlessly, the result of the investment I made in living and not resting in mediocrity. My heart has felt the heavens a high as my rollercoaster broke through the clouds and my arms have been scratched by the claws protruding from the darkness as I sped past on the tracks at my bottom.

I am willing to suffer because I know I can make a difference. I brought two beautiful children into this world and now my life is as much about others as it is about myself. Even if I did not have kids, I have too much to do, too much to give, and too much to learn to quit now.  

I pour my heart and soul into my videos, albeit unrehearsed and of crude technology. During my podcast episodes, I try to tear off the otherwise-ignored life band-aids that we all wear. I will continue to trickle out my life tools on the website as time allows. My time is currently dedicated to writing my life memoir for the benefit of my two little birds by this year-end, but I am not too distracted to show up and lend a hand if you need one.  Just ask.

Life gives itself to us, every day. What we take from it, is up to us.

Do good shit today.